Something women should never, ever wear:
1. A brightly colored (or any-colored, for that matter) velour sweatsuit. No matter how immaculately clean or well-accessorized you keep your velour sweatsuit, you will always look like a walking washcloth. Or the type of person who bathes with their garden hose.
Something men should never, ever, ever wear:
1. A mustache. With the possible exception of the Fu Manchu, don't do it. You look like the type of person who likes to kill people and chop them up for fun, or lures kids into his windowless van. If you wear glasses AND a mustache, your Serial Killer/Child Predator Resemblance Quotient triples. Go shave before I call the cops. No I don't want any candy.
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I've had someone try to get me to get into their windowless van--a matter of being in the very wrong place at the very wrong time (waiting for a friend to pick me up when I dropped off my car at the auto shop across from a strip club at 8AM). It isn't half as glamorous as it sounds. -S
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