Saturday, December 20, 2008

Sugar Plum Fairy

In the spirit of the approaching New Year, my friend and I have made resolutions, effective January 1. Because of our desire for good health, energy, and rosy hollow cheeks like Nicole Richie, the two of us and two others are each putting fifty dollars into a pot and having a Biggest Loser contest.
That's right, whoever loses the biggest percentage of their body weight by April 1 wins it all. I hesitate to say anything about losing weight because the issue had become very sensitive. I may weigh the least of the competitors, but my pants just don't freaking fit anymore and I don't care what you say: I want my clothes back.
I know what got me into this mess. Sugar. That bastard sugar, be it brown, white, or high fructose, has squatted into my diet like the most delicious little dose of heroin ever. And I'd be lying if I said that sugar hadn't caused me to lose any weight. Whatever the weight of a tooth is, some fraction of an ounce?
I cracked a tooth a couple of years ago, and had it crowned, root canaled, the whole enchilada. I think the only thing more expensive would have been brain surgery. Recently it got infected and I had to have it pulled. I felt like a hygienic failure, a dirty trailer rat whose faithful tooth brushing had all come to naught as at 26 I had to have a permanent tooth pulled. I'm sure it's the fault of the sugar. It really rots your teeth, it really does.
But come January 1 I'll have that edge, that fraction of an ounce.


Anonymous said...

People think I'm crazy for doing "the biggest loser" too but when your close don't fit you have to do something about it, right? Bring it Sister!

When it's all over we'll have to stay at a nice hotel and make sure the pool boy provides a steady flow of drinks! Cause we'll look HOT! Hopefully.

Anonymous said...


Did I really spell "clothes"..."close"???

Congrats on your win, little one!