The Number One In News

Oh, Keith Olbermann.
Why. Oh why. Do I love watching my news from you and only you every night on MSNBC? Why do I sit and wait for 2 minutes of your face after 5 minutes of commercials?
Is it because I think you're younger than you look? Is it because your biting sarcasm feels like a good spanking?

Oh, Keith Olbermann. When you told me to hate Rupert Murdoch, I dutifully began telling people I hated Rupert Murdoch. When you told me to hate Bill O'Reilly my cup runnethed over because I hated him already, and that meant that we were of one soul.

Oh, Keith Olbermann. When I sit in night class and draw hearts around your name in the margins of my Trapper Keeper, I wonder if the VCR is taping your show like I've asked it to. Then, thinking of your voice in that moment, I feel the sun washing on my heart and am sorry for what I did to the old VCR when it failed to tape Countdown. I remembered later that I had just forgotten to program it.
I shouldn't have thrown it in front of that train. You wouldn't have wanted me to do that.